It’s Not Me, It’s You
Clipping nails in bed, going to the bathroom with the door open, being constantly late for events are examples of the everyday annoyances couples endure from their better half. Sometimes you want to say, “Stop that,” but if you’re not careful, you can create a bigger issue. Avoiding issues that present potential speed bumps in your road to bliss can be detrimental. When you see those signs early on, you want to be honest and voice concerns, without driving your partner away.
First, know what is your partner’s personality. Habits are tricky to kick, but personality quirks are part of the individual. Some quirks are hard to break from, such as adding too much ketchup to foods and obnoxious laughing. Picking your battles is the easiest way to win the war. Once, you have assessed what the issues really are, it’s time to communicate them to your partner. The best way to confront them is to have a game plan. Know how you are going to handle the situation. Timing is everything as well. You want to bring it up when you see them behaving in the moment, otherwise they will feel attacked, as if the complaint is coming out of nowhere.
Although, it may take patience if several issues exist, deal with one problem at a time. Bombarding them with past grieves is never helpful. Instead of listening, they will be defensive and will not obtain anything you have to say. Besides knowing what in your partner they are willing to improve for your relationship, the other important key to a well-planned critique is to know what methods your partner responds to. If you know your significant other doesn’t bode well with direct approaches, find a way to ease into the conversation. Take the “I” route, where you put yourself into the equation such as, “I like it when you…” or “I was wondering…” This avoids having to make “You” statements, leading to them feeling accused.
Sometimes, those touchy conversations can be bypassed. If they are always late for an event, perhaps tell them the event is earlier than it is or maybe a new alarm clock will suffice. The hardest part of improving yourself, is doing it alone. However, by asking your partner how you can help them with an area they have trouble in, allows them to feel as if you are on their side. This also leads to remembering your role in the relationship, so keep it fair. Don’t expect to critique your partner if you aren’t willing to know the truth about your imperfections. By allowing yourself room for improvement, you may find they are more willing to as well. If they feel they are the only one in the relationship doing the work for the other person, that desire may burn out quickly. When it comes to finding a way to perfect those unattractive qualities, remember to be gentle, and you may never find another toe nail in bed again.
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